The Rabid Quill

I think the McCain campaign is staffed by comedians. Granted, they’ve done a better job than the bumbling parasites running my favorite Congressman’s campaign, but sometimes these guys make strange requests. Since McCain became the presumptive nominee, I’ve gotten regular solicitations from the Republican Party’s newsletter to donate to his campaign. Below is the text of their most recent mailing.

Dear Supporter,

As we head into the graduation and summer holiday season, we have an exciting offer for all John McCain supporters. The John McCain 2008 campaign is offering you a special opportunity to receive an autographed copy of Faith of My Fathers, the national bestselling story of John McCain and his family.

In Faith of My Fathers, John McCain tells his amazing story of courage and leadership during his more than five years as a POW in North Vietnam. The examples and lessons taught by his father and grandfather enabled him to survive imprisonment and emerge as a true American hero. This book demonstrates that the McCain family has long believed that the highest honor one can gain is through service to our country. John McCain has served our country for decades, and we want him to continue serving as our next President of the United States.

Today, with your contribution of $150 or more, you will receive a signed, hardcover copy of the inspiring Faith of My Fathers. This book can be shared with your family and friends to help them understand, in John McCain’s own words, the service he and his family have had the honor of providing to our country. There is no doubt that this book will reinforce what you, his strongest supporters, already know; he is the right man at the right time to lead our country. Please follow this link to reserve your copy today.

Now, first of all, John McCain’s autograph just isn’t worth $150 to me. I used to like him, years ago. He was less supportive of the war than his Republican peers, and was apparently willing to stick to principle rather than party. That doesn’t seem to be the case anymore. He’s like so many other Republicans I’ve met, who may have once believed in the philosophy of freedom, but have since sold out or made compromises out of fear, or have caught the imperialist brain rot. They’re nice guys, but someone has flipped a few switches in their heads that make their actions wildly inconsistent with their beliefs. I think John McCain is one of those Republicans. Not sexy for a true believer in small, restrained government.

Second, this book was published in 1999. I don’t recall a whole lot about that election season’s primary race, but maybe this book was a good advertising mechanism back then. Back then, John McCain would have been a wee lad barely into his sixties. But he’s running for president again, and has he published anything else? Anything elaborating on what he really believes, and what he wants to do about it? Ron Paul has a book that was officially released two days ago, and from the very first page it shows sharp wit, the product of a vigorous mind. Johnny, you’re slipping. I guess you’re just not the young, energetic dynamo you were at 62. Like the candidate, this book is old and unoriginal. It’s a family memoir. I haven’t read it, but I doubt such a work contains a whole lot in the way of policy beliefs. If anything it’s a work of fan service for all those who feel a romantic nostalgia for the Fifties. I guess that’s appropriate. That demographic is the biggest group to remain loyal to the Republican Party over the last 8 years.

And finally, he didn’t even write this by himself. It was co-authored by Mark Salter. That’s not really a fault, but if you were to judge the remaining two Republican presidential candidates based on their book-related activities, John McCain is lagging way behind. He’s recycling a 9-year-old book about his family that he had help writing, while his competitor has just published an incisive manifesto, an exclamation point at the end of a candidacy which has already sparked a velvet revolution within the Republican Party, and American politics.

So John McCain is selling a flourish of his pen for $150. My guess is that his 71-year-old cancer-survivor hand can only handle about 50 such scribbles. Maybe 80 if he switches hands. Any takers?